One of my favorite authors is joining Spooky Legends today: Jess Haines, author of the fantastic H & W Investigations urban fantasy series. If you haven’t met and fallen for her characters yet, just wait until you hear them discussing Butt Spiders. Jess has a new story in THE REAL WEREWIVES OF VAMPIRE COUNTY anthology along with Alexandra Ivy, Angie Fox, and Tami Dane (available now from Kensington Books), and thanks to her publisher, you can win a copy. See details below.
Click to see the Spooky Legends Master List with links to all the previous posts and giveaways
Shiarra Waynest Talks About Butt Spiders
by
Jess Haines
Hello there! Jess Haines here. I’m the author of the urban fantasy H&W Investigations series (HUNTED BY THE OTHERS, TAKEN BY THE OTHERS, and DECEIVED BY THE OTHERS). Shiarra Waynest, the lead character, and some of her friends are here to tell you a little bit about butt spiders. Over to you, Shia!
____________________
Shiarra: ...uhh. What?
Arnold: I’ve heard of these! They hide under your toilet seat and jump out to bite you on the ass when you sit down.
Chaz: Oh, yeah. I remember hearing about these. They’re creepier than camel spiders.
Shiarra: Camel spiders? What?
Royce: Don’t listen to those two. The information about the spiders hiding under toilet seats was false.
Arnold: Whoa. I just had a thought. What if it was a camel spider hiding under the toilet seat?
Chaz: Dude. Epic.
Shiarra: I still don’t get what you guys are talking about. Why are they called camel spiders?
Royce: I presume because they live in the desert, much like their namesake.
Chaz: I thought it was because they’re practically the size of a camel.
Arnold: Oh, come on. They’re big, but they’re not that big.
Chaz: That’s what your mom said last night.
Shiarra: Chaz!
Arnold: That’s what your mom’s face said. Burn!
Royce: Ms. Waynest, explain to me one more time why you spend time with these ingrates?
Shiarra: It’s a mystery for the ages.
Chaz: Hey!
Arnold: That wasn’t very nice.
Shiarra: Yeah, well, you guys are talking about spiders. It’s gross.
Chaz: I heard a camel spider killed a dog once.
Royce: I find that doubtful. Most species of camel spider are not actually venomous.
Shiarra: How do you know so much about spiders? Wouldn’t think you’d be worried about being bitten by them, being all undead and stuff.
Royce: Some of the people in my office delight in forwarding me email chain letters.
Arnold: Wow, really?
Royce: Yes. Unfortunately.
Arnold: That was how I heard about the spiders hiding under toilet seats. Apparently, the original email was a hoax, but there’s a real type of poisonous spider in Australia that does like to hide under toilet seats.
Chaz: I’m not surprised. Australia seems to be where most of the poisonous and deadly crap in the animal kingdom comes from.
Arnold: Want to hear something really scary?
Shiarra: No.
Chaz: Yes!
Royce: I doubt it will be that frightening, but go on.
Arnold: I once heard that someone found a giant spider on their toilet paper roll. It nearly bit their hand off.
Shiarra: Oh, please. I’ll believe in butt spiders before I believe in that.
Royce: That is a truly silly name for a spider.
Shiarra: Whatever. I’m out of here. I need to go buy every can of Raid I can find.
Chaz: Heh. Butt spider.
____________________
You can learn more about Shiarra and the rest of her friends in HUNTED BY THE OTHERS . If you'd like a chance to win THE REAL WEREWIVES OF VAMPIRE COUNTY, leave a comment below telling us what kind of weird, silly, or scary spider stories you’ve heard!
Thanks again for having me and the gang over, Abigail! It’s always a blast. ;)
Have a safe and very Happy Halloween to everyone!
-------------------------------------------------
About the author:
|
|
| Visit Jess Haines online: Want to read more from Jess Haines? |
Jess Haines is a displaced New Yorker with a penchant for the silly, the obscure, and the fantastical. Los Angeles is home for the time being, since it consistently meets her daily quota of strange. She’s currently working on the H&W Investigations urban fantasy series. Find out more about Shiarra Waynest, drop her a line, or join her mailing list at 
Giveaway provided by Kensington
One copy of THE REAL WEREWIVES OF VAMPIRE COUNTY by Alexandra Ivy, Angie Fox , Tami Dane, Jess Haines
Available now from Kensington Books
Description:
Drama. Scandal. Secrets. And a whole lot of supernatural goings-on.
I'm Pureblood Were, And Proud Of It. . .
"Where Darkness Lives" by Alexandra Ivy
No one's more surprised than Sophia when she's struck by an unfamiliar maternal urge to move near her daughters. But instead of being greeted by a welcome committee, she's targeted by kidnappers. . .and saddled with a gorgeous bodyguard on a mission to protect—and seduce. . .
I'm A Tomboy At Heart, But I Want A Man Who Makes Me Feel Like A Real Woman. . .
"Murder on Mysteria Lane" by Angie Fox
When a werewolf trophy wife is found dead in Vampire County, Heather McPhee goes undercover to investigate. Heather's never been a mascara-and-manicures sort of girl, but she's willing to learn. Especially with sexy vampire detective Lucien Mead posing as her husband. . .
Who's Afraid Of The Big, Bad Werewolves? Not Me, That's For Sure. . .
"What's Yours is Mine" by Jess Haines
Still Waters is like many other exclusive gated communities—except that it's home to one of the largest werewolf packs in the state. But Tiffany Winters isn't frightened of her big, bad new neighbors. In fact, she intends to take her place among the pack. . .
This Is A Town Full Of Secrets. And I Intend To Uncover All Of Them...
"Werewolves in Chic Clothing" by Tami Dane
Ever since Christine Price moved in with her fiancé, Jonathan, and his twelve year-old son, she's worked hard to fit in with a cadre of local women whose lives seem picture-perfect. Except no one in Jon's upscale neighborhood is quite who they appear to be. Least of all Jon. . .
Read an excerpt|Read our review
Enter the giveaway via the widget below
**Don’t forget to visit Dark Faerie Tales today for her Spooky Legends guest blog with Amanda Bonilla and a chance to win SHAEDES OF GRAY**
I love werewolf stories and "What's Yours Is Mine" sounds really good, but then so do all of the others, It's hard to make a decision about which one I'd like to real more. Good thing I don't have to make up my mind since they are all in the anthology. lol :P
ReplyDeleteButt spiders...LOL
I get spiders in my place all the time. I used to be afraid of them so one day I went outside and got the biggest spider I could find and brought it back inside my place. i put it in the freezer for 5 minutes to slow it down *it didn't kill it* and then looked at it. My husband came it and freaked out because it was a Black Widow..yeah I'm crazy like that. But after looking at her I took her back outside and I have been picking up the spiders in my place and taking them outside ever since.
miztik_rose@yahoo.com
I have heard of those camel spiders. I guess you can't sleep on the floor, you have to sleep up high. I want to know what's up with the spider on the TP. He's huge!
ReplyDeleteJnmt3@hotmail.com
I would love to read all of them. The authors are new to me.
ReplyDeletetruebloodfan AT rock DOT com
Jess Haines is the only author in the anthology I've read and I love her books, so of course, I want to read her story, but since I also love werewolves in general, all of these sound great to me.
ReplyDeleteMy funniest spider story happened when I first moved to El Paso, TX. I had never lived in the desert before and on my first day in my new apartment, I was unpacking, then went to go outside, only to find a HUGE tarantula on my doorstep. I had to call the maintenance guy to get rid of it. He came along, took his big bunch of keys, bent over it and started waving the keys at it, going "shoo, shoo". He assured me that tarantulas were actually quite friendly, non-poisonous, and made great pets. Needless to say, I passed on that.
jen(at)delux(dot)com
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI want to read Jess's story as well - I love the idea of a gated community with a pack of werewolves. Too funny!
ReplyDeleteAs for the spiders, I grew up in GA, which has both black widows and brown recluse spiders. My little brother actually trapped a black widow in a jar to show my Mom- "Look, Mommy! A pretty spider with a red thing on its back!" Lots of freaking out ensued.
This anthology sounds really good. Thanks for the giveaway!
ReplyDeleteI don't think I could pick just one, they all sound great!!
ReplyDeleteIt'd have to be "What's Yours is Mine" by Jess Haines, since I just read the third H&W book, and I can't wait until #4 comes out!
ReplyDeleteI've seen some pretty scary spiders, especially the big wolf spiders we have here in Florida. I'd rather avoid all of them if I can.
ReplyDeleteAll of the stories sound great, but if I have to choose one in particular, I'll choose Angie Fox's Murder on Mysteria Lane, I like the sound of that one a lot.
I'm interested in the Jess Haines and Angie Fox stories. Actually I think I'll like all the stories because they feature werewolves and I love werewolves and big cat shifters in paranormal romance.
ReplyDeleteangeldream3[AT]gmail[DOT]com
OMG don't get me started on spiders. Especially camel spiders. *shudder*
ReplyDeleteI've been looking forward to this anthology and I love Angie Fox's writing style so hers has to be the one I'm leaning toward the most but I have books from Ivy and Haines on my shelf so I think this is the perfect anthology for me to get to know some new-ish authors. :)
Werewolves in Chic Clothing sounds very cool. Who's who? What's going on?
ReplyDeleteI don't really have a spider story except to say that my mother-in-law is deathly afraid of them. I look forward to reading this anthology.
ReplyDeletekoonie2888 at yahoo dot com
Angie Fox's because I love here style!
ReplyDeleteI think murder at mysteria lane sounds interesting. Looking forward to reading this antho.
ReplyDeletelakishaajones@yahoo.com
"What's Yours is Mine" by Jess Haines is the story I am most interested in reading. Thanks for the giveaway.
ReplyDeletesab5723 at hotmail dot com
OOh I do not like spiders! They're just creepy!
ReplyDeleteSHIVER!!!! Real or not, spiders are not my thing. I really would love to win a copy of this book. Thanks for the awesome giveaway! bpatrick64113@sbcglobal.net
ReplyDeleteThanks for the rather creepy post but fantastic giveaway! I would love to read all the stories :)
ReplyDeleteI am not a fan of spiders. Bleh. If I can catch them and take them outside with minimal fuss than sure I'll do that. But most of the time that is not the case as they run around and I end up squishing most of them. My logic is, if they wanted to live, they should have stayed outside!
I'm interested in Angie Fox's story the most, but all of them seem good to me. I hate spiders so that picture of the big one really creeps me out. Thanks for the giveaway.
ReplyDeletejcalvert719(at)yahoo(dot)com
LOL, I'm glad you guys all enjoyed the post! Hope you enjoy the book, too! ;)
ReplyDelete<3,
-J
Hilarious!! I'd love to win this book, it's got my favorite authors!!!
ReplyDeleteOh My God!! Butt spiders??!! Now I'm going to have to double check the seat everytime I go to the bathroom!! All I can picture is that giant camel spider comin' at me!!
ReplyDeleteAs to the giveaway.....I would just love to get this book!! These are some of my most favorite authors. Thanks!
Theresa
rtnorman2@gmail.com
The whole anthology really. No one particular story is calling out more than the others. I like all the authors in it.
ReplyDeletebacchus76 at myself dot com
Although I haven't read your story yet but I have to admit that I sometimes do imagine at some invisible creatures attack me from under the toilet seat. So scary!
ReplyDeleteOOh, your story is so scary! I read it last night but didn't have the nerve to finish it until now. Just keep writing.
ReplyDeletespider story mmm cant think of one other then you supposedly eat 20 spiders in your life time when you sleep . not really a story just a strange fact i guess .
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to all the stories
I'd like to read Jess Haines story the most.
ReplyDelete"Werewolves in Chic Clothing" by Tami Dane sounds really neat.
ReplyDeleteI would like to read the "What's Yours is Mine" by Jess Haines.
ReplyDeleteTina G
I've never heard of any urban spider stories including the butt spider until now.
ReplyDeleteMurder on Mysteria Lane sounds the most interesting. I like to read murder mysteries and this novella has one.
I would have to say that I am most excited about reading "Where Darkness Lives" by Alexandra Ivy because she is the onlly one of the authors that I have read. I love werewolf stories so I am pretty excited to read all of these stories and possibly pick up some new authors in the process.
ReplyDeleteI hate spiders. My husband and I argue over whose going to kill it. Recently we have had a bad Brown Widow problem. They were taking over the front porch right by the door. Needless to say, I began using the backdoor.
rachaelmccully(at)yahoo(dot)com
I've read 3 or the 4 authors, but of course I want to read Jess Haines's story the most. (That isn't a** kissing. I wouldn't do that. I'd be afraid of the butt spiders...)
ReplyDeleteMickie T
mdturett at juno dot com
Jess Haines story, she's the only author that I've read.
ReplyDeleteAlexandra Ivy just because I've read most of her books
ReplyDeleteI'll have to go with Alexandra Ivy, because she's my favorite of the authors listed.
ReplyDelete"Murder on Mysteria Lane" by Angie Fox sounds good.
ReplyDelete